Jealousy Among Women

Jealousy among women is nothing new. The first caveman to look at another woman probably got hit over the head with a club by his partner. Jealousy among women can create many kinds of problems on the job and in the neighborhood. You can even see jealousy among women in nature—female animals will often fight with other females over a male of interest.

What causes jealousy?
It is important to understand the difference between jealousy and envy. The two are closely related, but jealousy refers to the insecurities experienced when a person feels a partner may be attracted to someone else. Envy among women refers to an obsessive desire for what someone else has. For example, this can occur if a woman feels a neighbor or friend has a perfect boyfriend or husband, and she wishes she could have that situation. However, fearing for your own relationship, spouse, or partner can create feelings of jealousy.

Jealousy among women is much more dangerous than envy. Jealousy usually stems from feeling something within a person’s life is being seduced or solicited by someone else. Often, jealousy is unfounded and can be very damaging to both partners in a relationship. Feelings of jealousy cause a person to create an untrusting and even abusive relationship, sometimes leading to domestic violence or a breakup. Here are five steps to help you avoid jealousy among women.

Step One: Communicate Honestly
Jealousy among women is usually identified when a girl feels threatened by another woman who may be trying to take away a significant other. The best way to put such fears to rest in this situation is to talk with a partner about these feelings. Most women feel insecure for no or little reason! Boyfriends and husbands may have no idea that their girlfriends and wives are feeling jealous, and they can offer more attention when they know their mate may be feeling jealous. By discussing jealousy issues, the couple can learn to work through each partner’s insecurities and build trust so they can feel comfortable around other people and secure in their relationship.

When a spouse feels jealous about a particular individual, like a best friend or coworker, this is also a good time to talk about it. While it’s understandable to feel a little uneasy in the presence of a gorgeous model-type or someone who’s 20 pounds lighter or four inches taller, it is important for a couple to devote themselves to each other and understand the nature of other friendships that may involve members of the opposite sex. Some people need a gentle reminder to pay attention to the spouse at their side rather than flirt with an attractive woman at a party or linger over coffee with a business associate. Honestly sharing concerns about others that stir jealous feelings can help both partners in a relationship to deal with negative feelings and to pay more attention to each other.

Step Two: Spend Quality Time with Your Mate
Jealousy among women often is most common when a relationship is new.  Although many brides-to-be may still confront jealousy, it is at the beginning of a relationship when partners stand the greatest chance of losing a favorite date or friend. Instead of letting your beloved slip away, get creative with jealousy. If a spouse is spending too much time with other women, suggest ways that the two of you can enjoy quality time focusing on each other over romantic  dinners, at special events, or while enjoying a relaxing  weekend getaway.

This does not mean that a spouse cannot spend time with other trustworthy people. A good compromise is to join a boyfriend or husband when he’s spending time with old friends, former flames, or business colleagues. Your presence when he would otherwise be alone with a woman that he might find attractive is key to helping you get over your jealousy and helping him stay focused on you.

Step Three: Ask Questions
Jealousy among women often causes us to do things that we wouldn’t normally do, including peeking into a boyfriend’s wallet or checking a spouse’s online emails. Sometimes, though, it may be a good idea to keep tabs on your significant other’s extracurricular activities that don’t include you. Early in a relationship, this may involve a few simple questions:
--Do you have any plans this weekend?

--How do you feel about exclusive dating relationships?

These can open the door to meaningful exchanges about the couple’s views of a healthy dating relationship. Later, however, you may need to watch for clues that can guide your steps toward understanding whether your jealousy is well founded or not. If your male companion makes frequent excuses for not spending time with you or hedges about becoming exclusive, there’s a good chance he wants to date others, too. If he skirts questions about a particular woman, such as a coworker or neighbor, this may be an indication of his interest in or involvement with her.

If a woman happens to contact you about your boyfriend or husband on matters of business or for old time’s sake, you will want to maintain emotional control and ask simple but direct questions about her connection to your partner. Even if their acquaintance is impersonal or casual, talking to her may help you to feel less jealous as you learn the facts rather than rely on suspicions. Jealousy among women stems from the unknown, so if you get to know the other women in your boyfriend or husband’s life, your irrational jealousy might disappear.

Step Four: Conquer all Jealousy
Jealousy among women isn’t just about other women. Jealous feelings may stem from the fact that a mate spends more time on other interests than he does the relationship. It could be hobby that is cutting into your time together. Maybe he spends more time with friends golfing or bowling than evenings spent with you. It could be he works long hours and it’s hard to see one another. Jealousy among women can go hand and hand with any situation that seems to threaten your relationship. Most jealous people are unhappy, so it is important to get a handle on it promptly.

Sometimes jealousy among women isn’t even about a significant other. For example, if you have a manager position at work and suddenly a new woman is hired who becomes the boss’s pet, you may feel threatened that you’ll be demoted and she’ll take your place. You also may start feeling jealous if your best friend talks non-stop about how much fun she enjoys with another friend. Some women feel jealous when a parent seems to favor a sibling.

To have healthy relationships, it is important to work through all jealousy issues by admitting there is a problem and taking steps to deal with it. Jealousy among women is a common part of many women’s lives, so don’t worry—you’re normal! However, if you don’t work through the negative feelings associated with jealousy, you may find that it begins to consume you. Unhealthy jealousy can end relationships quickly, so if threatened by others, do something about it by analyzing the source of these feelings or making an appointment with a professional counselor.