6 posts tagged “men”

We all want to know how to do it just right — flirt, that is. It's the vivid image of the slam-dunk, rejection that sends many of us into the kind of social paralysis in which we either impress others as extremely shy or somehow snobby. How can we read the signs and learn how to avoid coming off like an over confident, over zealous, overbearing pest, while not missing out on a real opportunity to connect with a potentially great partner? Find out below how to display and react to them in order to optimize your chances of getting a bit closer to that really hot guy or girl "over there" without going unnoticed, going overboard, or sacrificing an ounce of dignity!

In order to accurately read body language and put out the right signs, the first task you must undertake is to live in the present. That means doing your best to mentally shed your history of rejection or all the times you found yourself asking — "why did he/she break up with me? What's wrong with me?" For purposes of this article, living in the present means accepting that plenty of times we get broken up with for reasons which are completely out of our control. It also means being honest enough with yourself to admit that you're not perfect either. As long as you can mentally strike the balance between self-acceptance and a willingness to always improve and grow — you're ready to play.

So you're at a club or a party with your buddies and you're scoping out the crowd. According to Sigmund Freud, we use "unconscious perception" which enables us to quickly gather lots of information about the people around us just by watching them, and decide if we feel a basic attraction for them. We focus in on things like the way they move their bodies, the sound of their voices, how often they laugh or smile, or the way they use give and take in conversation (are they good listeners or conversation "hogs".) And when we're scanning the crowd for a potential mate, our antennae are on full power — we're most likely not going to miss the traits, actions or interpersonal styles which we desire — even when those desires live in our sub-conscious. That's right — you might be very surprised to realize what you're actually attracted to, (but that's another article.)

Finally, according to a popular couples therapy style known as Imago Therapy- we are wired to hone in on those who display characteristics which remind us of mom, dad and any other caretaker who had a significant impact on our lives. So while there may be universal "flirting language", who we flirt with and who flirts with us is no accident.

Well, it's really up to you....If you want a long term relationship with the guy, then maybe you should wait until the 3rd date....If you don't really care to have a long term relationship with the guy and he's good enough for just a roll in the hay, then of course, you're an adult!  If you want to, than do it!  Have a hot one night stand....but remember, there could be consequences if you do choose to do so. 

Honestly girls, most guys aren't going to wait around if you're past your 3rd date and still haven't put out yet.  I mean, they might take you on more dates, and they might even really like you!  But, they're gonna find someone else to sleep with on the side if you're not putting out.  Hey, I've talked to plenty of men about this and this is what they tell me.  Maybe you'll get lucky, and the guy will be a one of a kind and put up with your morals and values as a woman and actually wait until you're married.....uh huh.  You just keep thinking that k....OK, bye bye now!

Seriously though...most men think with their other brain a majority of the time when it comes to women and they love to release.  So whether it be with you or with the other little hottie over there, it's all up to you in the end.  Remember, even if a man is married, if he's not getting it from his wife, he's gonna find it somewhere else.  He might not actively look for it, but if temptation finds him, he's more than likely going to go with temptation.

My motto is; always treat your body like a temple.  If he's not good enough to come to the alter, then why would you let him in the church doors?

Jealousy among women is nothing new. The first caveman to look at another woman probably got hit over the head with a club by his partner. Jealousy among women can create many kinds of problems on the job and in the neighborhood. You can even see jealousy among women in nature—female animals will often fight with other females over a male of interest.

What causes jealousy?
It is important to understand the difference between jealousy and envy. The two are closely related, but jealousy refers to the insecurities experienced when a person feels a partner may be attracted to someone else. Envy among women refers to an obsessive desire for what someone else has. For example, this can occur if a woman feels a neighbor or friend has a perfect boyfriend or husband, and she wishes she could have that situation. However, fearing for your own relationship, spouse, or partner can create feelings of jealousy.

Jealousy among women is much more dangerous than envy. Jealousy usually stems from feeling something within a person’s life is being seduced or solicited by someone else. Often, jealousy is unfounded and can be very damaging to both partners in a relationship. Feelings of jealousy cause a person to create an untrusting and even abusive relationship, sometimes leading to domestic violence or a breakup. Here are five steps to help you avoid jealousy among women.

Step One: Communicate Honestly
Jealousy among women is usually identified when a girl feels threatened by another woman who may be trying to take away a significant other. The best way to put such fears to rest in this situation is to talk with a partner about these feelings. Most women feel insecure for no or little reason! Boyfriends and husbands may have no idea that their girlfriends and wives are feeling jealous, and they can offer more attention when they know their mate may be feeling jealous. By discussing jealousy issues, the couple can learn to work through each partner’s insecurities and build trust so they can feel comfortable around other people and secure in their relationship.

When a spouse feels jealous about a particular individual, like a best friend or coworker, this is also a good time to talk about it. While it’s understandable to feel a little uneasy in the presence of a gorgeous model-type or someone who’s 20 pounds lighter or four inches taller, it is important for a couple to devote themselves to each other and understand the nature of other friendships that may involve members of the opposite sex. Some people need a gentle reminder to pay attention to the spouse at their side rather than flirt with an attractive woman at a party or linger over coffee with a business associate. Honestly sharing concerns about others that stir jealous feelings can help both partners in a relationship to deal with negative feelings and to pay more attention to each other.

Step Two: Spend Quality Time with Your Mate
Jealousy among women often is most common when a relationship is new.  Although many brides-to-be may still confront jealousy, it is at the beginning of a relationship when partners stand the greatest chance of losing a favorite date or friend. Instead of letting your beloved slip away, get creative with jealousy. If a spouse is spending too much time with other women, suggest ways that the two of you can enjoy quality time focusing on each other over romantic  dinners, at special events, or while enjoying a relaxing  weekend getaway.

This does not mean that a spouse cannot spend time with other trustworthy people. A good compromise is to join a boyfriend or husband when he’s spending time with old friends, former flames, or business colleagues. Your presence when he would otherwise be alone with a woman that he might find attractive is key to helping you get over your jealousy and helping him stay focused on you.

Step Three: Ask Questions
Jealousy among women often causes us to do things that we wouldn’t normally do, including peeking into a boyfriend’s wallet or checking a spouse’s online emails. Sometimes, though, it may be a good idea to keep tabs on your significant other’s extracurricular activities that don’t include you. Early in a relationship, this may involve a few simple questions:
--Do you have any plans this weekend?

--How do you feel about exclusive dating relationships?

These can open the door to meaningful exchanges about the couple’s views of a healthy dating relationship. Later, however, you may need to watch for clues that can guide your steps toward understanding whether your jealousy is well founded or not. If your male companion makes frequent excuses for not spending time with you or hedges about becoming exclusive, there’s a good chance he wants to date others, too. If he skirts questions about a particular woman, such as a coworker or neighbor, this may be an indication of his interest in or involvement with her.

If a woman happens to contact you about your boyfriend or husband on matters of business or for old time’s sake, you will want to maintain emotional control and ask simple but direct questions about her connection to your partner. Even if their acquaintance is impersonal or casual, talking to her may help you to feel less jealous as you learn the facts rather than rely on suspicions. Jealousy among women stems from the unknown, so if you get to know the other women in your boyfriend or husband’s life, your irrational jealousy might disappear.

Step Four: Conquer all Jealousy
Jealousy among women isn’t just about other women. Jealous feelings may stem from the fact that a mate spends more time on other interests than he does the relationship. It could be hobby that is cutting into your time together. Maybe he spends more time with friends golfing or bowling than evenings spent with you. It could be he works long hours and it’s hard to see one another. Jealousy among women can go hand and hand with any situation that seems to threaten your relationship. Most jealous people are unhappy, so it is important to get a handle on it promptly.

Sometimes jealousy among women isn’t even about a significant other. For example, if you have a manager position at work and suddenly a new woman is hired who becomes the boss’s pet, you may feel threatened that you’ll be demoted and she’ll take your place. You also may start feeling jealous if your best friend talks non-stop about how much fun she enjoys with another friend. Some women feel jealous when a parent seems to favor a sibling.

To have healthy relationships, it is important to work through all jealousy issues by admitting there is a problem and taking steps to deal with it. Jealousy among women is a common part of many women’s lives, so don’t worry—you’re normal! However, if you don’t work through the negative feelings associated with jealousy, you may find that it begins to consume you. Unhealthy jealousy can end relationships quickly, so if threatened by others, do something about it by analyzing the source of these feelings or making an appointment with a professional counselor.
 

There's something about reading a book of sexual fantasies that throws the doors of perception a bit off their hinges. Just knowing that 90% of humanity is out there running some kind of porn film in their heads, makes the lunch crowd at, say, a Spago's more interesting to observe. Does that waitress serving that seared Ahi salad dream of being wrapped in cellophane and spanked? Does the busboy want to be licked by Keanu Reeves? Does that businessman texting on his Blackberry dream of being cavity searched by terrorists? 

Have you really ever thought about it?  It's true, whether people want to admit to it or not, we all have sexual fantasies and images go through our minds when we see someone attractive, or in some cases, not so attractive.  Men are the worst at this.  They usually think of sex at least every hour, (come on men, you know I'm right).  Most of us keep our fantasies to ourselves, but some of us live them out in reality.  Keep in mind, a fantasy is never the same in reality.  Believe me I know.

Anyway....Have you ever just sat at a popular coffee house or any public place and just observed people?  You ever wonder what that uptight woman over there really does behind closed doors?  I knew a couple that went to church, had the 2.5 kids, the nice little tract home, 2 cars, etc....you know the type.  Anyway, come to find out they were actually very active in the swinging community.  You would be amazed at the things that people have confided in me.  The one thing I have learned is that the people you don't think would be into something kinky, usually are.

So when you are out today amongst the living, take a look around and observe.  Now that you've read this post I bet you won't be able to look at someone without wondering.

There’s no other way to say it – a sex slip-up just isn’t sexy.
Yet Mars and Venus make mistakes all the time when making love, squelching some well-intended efforts.
Although both genders are guilty of sexual errors, I’m going to take a look at some of the miscalculations that men sometimes make.
Whether it's titillation tactics, misjudging erogenous zones or misguided notions as to what women want, men need to avoid the following bedroom blunders if they want to become great lovers:

1. Thinking that foreplay starts in the sack. The timer for enticing does not start once you hit the sheets. Your pre-game show is best approached as an all day affair. Women love to be wooed. Sex is a head game — in more ways than one — and women want to know you can’t get them out of your mind. We love knowing that we are desired.
Men, whether your plan is to “get some,” rev up her engine or bring her to fast orgasm, your strategy should begin long before you enter the bedroom.
This isn’t necessarily because women need a lot of time to get warmed up. Given that a couple of my girlfriends can attain an orgasm in a minute or two, at least by themselves, my sense is that the "statistic" that women need an average 20 minutes of foreplay before penetration tends to be overused.

2. Going south too soon. Do not “pass go and collect $200.” Diving in for the genitals too soon usually isn’t the best idea. A woman needs to be properly aroused before any below-the-belt action feels good.
Be sure to focus on her entire body — head to toe — before going for the gold.

3. Ignoring the clitoris. Many men think a woman’s orgasmic ability is due to penetration. Yes, there is certainly pleasure in this part of the performance, but the bell of the ball is being left out of the party.
More than 70 percent of women experience clitoral orgasm when it comes to maximum reaction, so men need to make sure they are not ignoring the clitoris. It also helps if you actually know where the clitoris is located — some have been known to rub the urethral opening, which can be a big no-no for some ladies.

4. Missing the G spot. In digging for buried treasure, many guys don’t know that “X” doesn’t always mark the spot. Found on the front wall of the vagina, a woman’s G spot may be a little higher or lower, or more to one side than the other, than often depicted.
Its size may also vary, from as small as a pea to as large as a quarter. Hint: she needs to be aroused before you even have a prayer of finding it.

5. Becoming too goal-oriented in your efforts. There is nothing more endearing than a man who wants to play. Just don’t get caught up in yourself. Your sexual exploration should be playtime for two.
Stay “present” in the moment – connecting with your partner will bring the ultimate climax to both of you.

6. Gaining weight and still thinking you're attractive. "For better or worse” should include weight fluctuations, but don’t let yourself go completely.
You don’t know how many women have complained to me about the double standard in staying attractive: Women are expected to stay hot-to-trot, men aren’t.
So if you want continued star treatment for your rock star performances, know that Meat Loaf isn’t the singer to emulate.

7. Not knowing about her need to be naughty. Sometimes she needs to get in touch with her adulterated side. In fact, research has found that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. Forget the prince on a white horse or canoodling on the beach.
Many women enjoy all sorts of erotica. Don’t be afraid to play up her far-from-virtuous visual nature.

8. Thinking she's supposed to act like a porn star. When I was the co-host of “Sex Files” on Sirius’ Maxim Channel, I couldn’t believe how many questions we received from men about how to get their lover to do something specific in bed.
As seen in porn films, many men expect their lovers to fulfill their every fantasy. Remember that porn is fantasy, not reality. Expecting her to act like a porn star is simply not fair.

9. Thinking you're supposed to look like a porn star. Despite what XXX-rated films indicate, most women are not lusting after the three-legged man. The Ron Jeremy package deal doesn’t do it for most.
Last weekend, this topic came up with my girlfriends over cocktails. As the ladies crossed their legs, the overall consensus on "larger than life" was: “What are you supposed to do with that?”
Maybe some women are up for the challenge, but many are fine with the guy who fits within the norm. Don’t be too hard on yourself for being just that.

10. Believing one orgasm is enough. She’s just had a mind-blowing orgasm, maybe two. So she should be perfectly content, right? Wrong.
Women are not nearly as quick to come down from their aroused state as men are post-sex. Many can be launched right back to bliss, and many women do crave more action and orgasms, even if they were perfectly satisfied by the first sexperience.

Even if you’re exhausted, don’t rule out Round 2. There are other ways of pleasing her, so go ahead and do it all over again.